The Unknown

I am afraid of this. Im not taking about the picture I posted above, even though that scares me pretty bad, Im talking about life.

Not knowing what is going to happen to me tomorrow and the day after.

Im afraid of pictures. They are actually my favorite thing but they’re the biggest reminder that every year is 365 days with 12 months and 52 weeks, each day is 24 hours long and you may be wasting that time you have. You never know when you will be gone and truly where you will end up.

Im afraid this is all a bunch of nothing. There really could be no point to anything, but that is no way to look at life.

We can all believe things about where we go after this life but no one knows for sure. So screw all those people that are so sure. Ok that was rude. If you are sure there is heaven and eternity after this then i’m extremely jealous and you are honestly living the life. I wonder everyday about whats going to happen and believe as much as I can, but Im not sure.

Im afraid of giving my heart away. You never know if the person taking it will keep it safe.

Im afraid of potential, and the possibility of not living up to it. 

Im afraid of not being able to fix you, I just want to make you better so we can all be better but you will never change and that scares me more than anything.. 

Whats going to happen to us if we aren't together. 

Im afraid that I might never be loved and just turn into that lady that cuddles up to her cats every night. 

Im MORTIFIED

I guess to sum up all these fears is to say my biggest fear is the unknown.

We never know whats going to happen to us or what comes next or who will affect my life and how or what we will become. All we can do is hope because 

hope is the only thing stronger than fear. 

Stop Bricks from messing with your Stars.

I have met a lot of bricks in my life time. Most people in our society are bricks I think. 

There’s this one brick I know. She

Se has lost his passion for life, her will do to things that actually make her happy, She has lost his crayons. I don't think she actually knows what true happiness is.

Think about how you are going to be in the future. Do you want you’re life to be boring? To be doing something you don’t actually care about for a living? To not live in the moment? 

Those are all horribly stupid questions. 

Of course everyone wants to be exiting, passionate for what they do and who they love, living in the moment. 

But if you haven’t realized plenty of people around you grow up not living their life how they dreamt and intended it to turn out.

 If you have already lost your passion, you can still change your stars, you always can.

If you are an abstract original person keep your stars aligned how they are. 

Don’t let society mess with the fate of your universe.

Don't just become another brick in this wall called life...

The 3rd Floor

My heart is literally crawling up my throat.

 I step into the elevator by myself. 

The thing I have been anticipating for so long, I finally force my hand to take me to the place that frightens me most of all, I licked my lips and told my heart to 

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN FOR ONE SECOND 

as my pointer finger struggled to press that number three. 

I rose up one floor, then two, then thee.

 As I went up I tried to imagine the good things, but the hope behind my eyes was tired of imagining and wanted the real good things to come back.. The doors opened suddenly, hope got scared away and stopped imagining for good. 

Turn left, go down the long hall and take the last door on the left. 

I hate remembering how to get to that damn place. 

Im frightened and unsure if I even want to hear the outcome. 

Most of you may not understand what i’m talking about and thats fine. Just imagine the thing that scares you the most, becoming a reality. 

Maybe i’m overreacting.     Nope i’m not.  

And I wouldn't care if anyone thought I was anyways.

 here goes nothing.

 An ocean surges through my eyes and I can’t seem to calm it. 

I was right I didn’t want to hear the outcome. 

I can’t do this anymore. 

I'm not as strong as I look and i’ve been breaking down each day for quite some time now and now all thats left in me is that ocean. 

Deep and unforgiving.

Whats your 3rd floor?

sooner or later. Probably later...

thought of the day

Be a friend to someone so they don't end up doing this on friday nights.

A dose of love

Someone once told me love is a drug. 

Kesha was her name I believe and I think she’s right. So I went through my cabinets searching for love. I finally found the capsule of love in the far right hand corner in the very back on the top shelf. I wonder who had hid the love there? Why would they want to hide it from me? It was probably my mom, she’s always hiding things. 

I read the label and it said to take 2 pill to receive just the right dose of love, But I wanted more. I took the remaining pills in the capsule (which was 5) and flushed it down my throat with a cup of orange juice. I’ve heard taking pills with juice doesn’t work as well as just water but the water was gone and so was my family and my house and my clothes and my friends and my cat and everything (or so I felt) except for the dose of love in the cabinet and the orange juice in the fridge. 

After a short while I started to feel the love kicking in. I had never felt so good. A strange kind of high. It’s like I was on another planet because nothing this amazing could be found on this earth. My family was back and so was everything, and my cat. We all had good times and lots of laughs for a while but love started to ware off over time and one by one the things I loved started to fade away again. 

I searched through the cabinets, under my bed, across the street. Finally I called every supplier I knew to see if they had some Love I could buy, and thankfully I found one man (that will remain nameless because I cant have my suppliers name getting out or he could get arrested) to supply me love.

 I had a lifetime supply of love and I was finally happy with my life. Everyday I took 2 doses of love to get just the right amount. I did overdose on love one day when I was feeling down and needed a little extra love but they rushed me to the hospital and pumped all the love out of my stomach and took it all away, Don’t worry I had more at home hidden under my bed. 

 My name is ********** and I am an addict. I am addicted to love. I would have withdrawals if you took it from me and I will never stop looking for it when its gone. Speaking of which, I couldn't find my love this morning so I may be having a cranky day. So please don't bother me when I have forgotten to take 

my dose of love.

 medicine- Daughter Remix

Heres to the Kids with the Crayons

here’s to the kid.

to the kid that still actually misses their mom. I honestly find that very impressive to still have that quality at this age. 

to the kid that still believes pluto is a planet. 

to the kid that misses their stuffed animal that meant more to them than anyone will truly ever know because it brought them through the hardest times.

to the kid who played with bratz because barbies were old school status.

to the kid who doesn’t care what others think.

to the kid in 4th place in square ball.. thats rough.

to the kid that still sees the good in the world.

to the kid who has lost... lost the game, lost love, lost their minds...

lost their crayons. 

We all lost a few crayons over the years. Some seem to lose theirs quicker than others but we all manage to lose them at some point as time goes on and we just let it happen.

to this world that stole my crayons. Im taking them back. 

Juicy Fruit Secrets

Just the other day I was lying under my school desk being read a children's book by my teacher *cough cough nelson* and I got contemplating the colorful bumps that clung right above my head. At first thought I think Ew germs, Why didn’t that person just take it to the trash, its really not that far of a walk, what if I accidentally touched it. But once I have gotten past the disgust I start to imagine what that gum represents. I started to wonder about who chewed that juicy fruit. Where they are right now and what their going through, what was their mom going to yell at them for today, who would be next to tell them they cant do something, how many people would talk behind their backs today, when would their siblings get out of those nasty fatal habits, how many times would they have to act happy when inside their heartbroken, but no one takes the time to see... See what that persons struggles are because we’re all too busy thinking about ourselves. I know weird that looking at some gum got me reflecting on all that but this blog has just got me thinking more and I decided their gum they have left behind, hid away under their seats, are their secrets and emotions they have hid and kept to themselves. Trying to leave it behind with it still lingering near them, not able to get away till someone else comes and scrapes them free. Everybody needs somebody and we never know who needs us until we decide to help and be a friend. You never know somebody else's trails so leave the judging to god. All you can do is try to scrape their gum away little by little. 

Hope this isn’t too strange of a concept.